You are viewing jjuunniiee

10 May 2013 @ 05:55 am
So here are tonight's dreams...

Keep in mind, I've had a bit of trouble sleeping the last few nights so typically every time I wake up and fall back asleep, I dream another dream. Tonight I kept my phone on the notebook setting and just typed quick notes into it after each wake-up to jolt my memory so I could write about them today.

In this dream it seems I'm Lucretzia from 'The Borgias' running away from the 'Vatican' in Toronto (with Jeremy Irons still as The Pope, lol) and I'm not sure what it is we're running away from but I'm determined to keep him safe. The feeling once again in this dream is one of anxiety - rush - fear.
We run through downtown and Kensington market (it's daytime) when we reach a back door that is open. I open it and I rush him inside. We hide. It's dark. ((I've had a lot of dreams about showing up at Adam's house, and in every dream, I never come through the front door. It's always the back door from the backyard.))
It turns out that this is Adam's house...we came through the back door and suddenly I am normal June, and the Pope is gone. Adam's mom invites me in and in the living room, there's Adam. He's apparently sick with some flu or cold or something. We sit down on the couch together and chat it up like normal. Everything has a calm feeling, as though time has stopped. A safe zone, I suppose?
The scene flashes back to Me as Lucretzia, Jeremy Irons is back as The Pope, but this time I'm joined by Chrystina (Stars) and Amy (Beauchamp) - who are themselves. They convince me to go to this 'Fun House' type of attraction, like something you'd see in Niagara Falls ... swings, ball pits, crooked rooms, monkey bars. You're supposed to complete this little run in a certain amount of time with a certain amount of points. You can gain points by picking up certain items and placing them at the right spots. (It's night-time now).
I fail this task miserably, lol. I go over the time and I can't place any of the items in the correct place.
The game ends and I'm back in the back of this 'Fun House' with The Pope again. He seems very sick and cannot get up. Suddenly, my 'mother' Vanozza appears with a stretch limo and tells me to quickly help her load him into the limo so that we can get away from whatever is chasing us.
I help her load him in and as he opens his eyes, he says something along the lines of: "My dear Vanozza, the love of my life...." he looks at me, who is CLEARLY his daughter, Lucretzia, and says: "And my dear Julia Farnese....". I'm confused as all hell, and the limo speeds off with me trying to run after it - but I can't.
It seems as though my legs are frozen and the most I can do is grab onto the ground and try to pull myself forward using my hands and arms. My legs just do not want to move. I'm trying to chase this limo but I can't move.

I'm at the trailer with two other friends that I know in the dream, but do not recognize as anyone in real life. For some reason, I feel as though I need to get from one side of the lake to the other side as soon as possible. I have two types of little boats. A simple canoe, and a more paddle-boat type. Both boats are very easily sinkable and are very complicated to get all of us into in order to sail safely to the other side.
The friends I'm with and I are all trying to get these two boats to float and steady enough that we can sail them to the other side of the lake, but to no avail. The feeling of this dream is neither calm nor anxious. It seemed like a filler.

I arrive home which is the apartment we lived in back in Cabbagetown YEARS ago (this again, is also a very frequent setting for a lot of recurring dreams for me) and it's another anxiety filled dream.
There's a stranger in the bedroom that I share with Meaghan (Buckley) and I decide that we need to get rid of him because in my mind he's a 'terrorist' (and yes, he was a brown/darker colour) ((there goes my racist subconscious again, lol)) and he's a danger.
While he's sleeping on the floor, I start to squirt lighter fluid and gas all over the room on every spot I can possibly think of in order to make sure the place goes up in proper flames.
I do, however, take the few last minutes to grab things I feel are important.
My laptop, my phone, a couple of Meaghan's stuffed toys along with her Laptop and Phone stuff, some photo albums, very special things that we've been given over the years....
And then I light the apartment on fire. I made sure to douse the 'terrorist' especially well because I did not want there to be any remains or ways of identifying him. I wanted it to seem like some sort of accident.

There was another dream of something along the lines of our home being turned into a hardware store, but from what I remember, that dream was very quick and I don't remember any of the details at this time.

I'm at a Church-like reception with my Grandma, but we've time-traveled back quite some time... to when Queen Elizabeth II was much younger and a fairly new Queen. So..... 1950+?
I'm dressed in a sort of traditional lady-in-waiting type of Religious Habit that isn't like the sort you see traditional Catholic Nuns in, but a more casual dress... thing, lol. Either way it's very discreet, expensive and it represents me as someone close to The Queen.
Throughout this experience, I keep breaking numerous traditional rules such as the royalty always give a donation of coins to the church when they visit and you NEVER let the sound of coins in your pocket clang so as to let others know you have coins IN your pocket, lol.
I got scolded once majorly in this dream by Queen Elizabeth II because I had shuffled the rest of my coins into my coin purse making quite a large clinking sound. I then was scolded by her Top Lady In Waiting for embarrassing Her Majesty and to make sure I do not do so again for fear of death, lol. (Too much watching of 'The Tudors', methinks.)

I'm hanging around downtown when a lone Amy Lee walks by me. Thinking all I want her to do is sign under my tattoo with a Sharpie so that I can tattoo her signature above it, she asks me if I live in Toronto. I tell her yes and she says she's here alone and doesn't know the city well. I'm the first fan who has stopped her - want to hang out for the day and show her around? OF COURSE!
So we walk around the city for a bit and I show her some of the more smaller cool things about Toronto other than the typical CN Tower, etc. Shes loving the little places like Java that I show her, I bring her to Kensington Market and she absolutely LOVES it. All the while I keep my security mode on, making sure she's safe when fans come up to us and ask for pictures and autographs.
She then tells me she really appreciates my friendship and protection and asks me if I want to go see a show with her that night. Free, no need to buy tickets, she's VIP. Of course I agree!
We go to the Molson Amp where 'The Pretty Reckless' are playing their own headlining show. (They opened for Evanescence the last show that Trixeus and I went to together.)
Amy and I walk up to the pit where we are just jamming out when Taylor Momsen realizes Amy is there and she invites the both of us up to the stage to rock out and sing backup vocals for her.
Amy and I are literally jumping up and down on stage together, rocking out with Taylor, singing our hearts out and just ROCKING THE FUCK OUT for over two hours.
The end of the shows comes, confetti pops out from everywhere and Amy turns to me and gives me a HUUUUUGE huge and thanks me so much for making Toronto a fantastic event for her. The house lights come on, and I wake up.

And those were my dreams last night, ladies and gentlemen. :)
09 May 2013 @ 05:41 am
I had the strangest dreams last night.

The first one began out of nowhere I was at 'Home' that didn't look like my place at all, but I knew that's what it was supposed to be. It was dark, and looked a lot more like an upper scale restaurant/bar than a home and it was also dark outside.
My entire family and I were there, but the dream featured mostly myself, mom, Eden and Meaghan.
Everyone was worried because there was some sort of supernatural presence in the house and we weren't sure how to get rid of it/what to do. It wasn't a positive presence, either.
Suddenly, Keith (my ex) shows up at my place, saying how he's in town for something related to work and thought he'd drop by for a drink.

While he's there and we're chatting and catching up, the "ghost" or whatever starts to become active and threatening. It gets into Eden and her little eyes turn red whenever the spirit starts to speak through her. (Some fucked up shit... but I HAD been watching more Doctor Who earlier so yeah... everyone knows what happens to my dreams when I watch that show lol).

My mom of course starts freaking out and for some reason thinks if she smashes a certain mirror in our place, it will go away. Suddenly, Keith and I become experts in these kind of matters and we're yelling at her to stop, we know how to fix it, let us take care of it but she smashes the mirror anyway and makes it worse. The lights start flickering, lights bulbs exploding, etc.

Next thing I know him and I are in an SUV driving really fast (I'm driving for some reason) to a place where we can go that will give us the answers. (Wtf?????)

We get to a beach that's made up in my head and I've seen in my dreams many, many times but in this dream it's crowded with people, some of which we see that are our 'enemies' and we decide to get the hell out of there. A car chase ensues and I tear up the streets in this SUV not knowing wtf is going on or where I'm going.

There's a small part that just seems like a jumble to me right now, but then we're at Keith's 'apartment' which of course, looks nothing like it used to. It's similar to my dream-place and is also decorated in dark furnishing, colours and it's still night-time outside. We're sitting on the couch having red wine chatting. He turns to me and tells me he didn't realize how much he's missed me and is now having doubts about getting married to his current girlfriend; and then kisses me.

And of course, lawd hammercy the feelings and shit that came flooding back in this stupid dream. I mean, I still think of him once in a while but nowhere near as much as I used to... so to feel all this was just weird as hell.

Then once again we're forwarded back at my dream-place and the whole place is going insane because whatever spirit is hanging around is pissed off and it was like some sort of Vampire Diaries episode when Bonnie is just busting out the magic and everything and everyone is losing their shit. I've got Eden in my arms holding tightly and sort of "exercising' this thing out of her, I guess and all I can feel is just this rush of energy, power, feelings, etc.
I somehow manage to trap this thing in the walls of the apartment and save Eden, but I warn everyone not to break anything in the place because it will release the spirit again.

After all is said and done, Keith has been by my side the entire dream, btw, he comes over and tells me he's leaving his girlfriend and he wants to get back together. This, of course makes me the happiest of happy and we walk away hand-in-hand.

End of dream.

Yeah, I know, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST READ!? What the fuck did I just dream!?

I don't even know.

Then there was another dream...

I'm on a piece of land that resembles where the trailer is (this happens often in my dreams as well) and the general feeling of this dream is fear and panic. It's day time this time.
I'm with a group of people, none of which I recognize in real life. They're all strangers, but it seems as though they were meant to be school mates or along that kind of relationship... not close relationships.

For some reason, there's a large 'hut' that we have to blow up, and we have to use the native kids (native to the piece of land we were on, not necessarily the Native kids in our group lol, even though the ones we were using WERE all darker skinned kids and such). ((Wooowww June, way to be racist in your dreams, lol.))

Basically, we have to send them in and place them in certain spots in the hut with TNT or whatever so that when we light it from outside, it will explode in the right places at the right times, destroying this huge hut thing, which looked like it was made purely of grass and sticks.

The rest of us are told to huddle in a certain spot of the 'woods' behind a hill so that we don't get hurt from the explosions.

This doesn't all go as plan once the other group of native kids realize what's going on. The hut starts exploding, some of the kids are dead or dying but others say "Fuck this" and take off towards us. We start to run and I take off down this woody hill, leaving my towel behind (?) and suddenly I'm running across a couple of highways to get away.

I end up in this place that looks like a classy food court and I'm in line with some friends. I think I was with 4 friends, of which I can remember Chrystina and Liz were there. I don't remember the other two.
We buy some breakfast pastries from this little shop and go to sit at a small 4 seater table. I go to another store to buy a drink when I meet a guy there. No one I know in real life. He's very tall, dark haired, piercing blue eyes and very charming. He asks if I want to get together for a drink. I say yes.

I totally decide "Tonight I'm banging this guy" so I tell the rest of my gang I've gotta go home and get ready because I've got this date later. Chrystina comes along with me and then we're back where the grass hut was and I'm scared now because I know those kids are probably still pissed off.
The grass hut is completely destroyed, and we start travelling in the opposite way, to try and avoid the people.

Across the lake which is maybe a 5 minute walk, we stumble on another 'village' type with more people, only this time they're all black people... they're very friendly, there's a tiny table with a woman selling bright fresh fruits, another table with friendship bracelets.
We continue on when suddenly we start to be able to fly. The trees are very tall and there are big 'treehouses' that looked more like bunk beds in these trees, lol.

We meet more people that in my dream I knew, but I don't recognize them in real life... we fly around a bit more and then everything morphs into my room in real life. There are a shit-ton of people crammed in my room and I'm talking to them as if I'm their Sargent or something. I'm giving them orders but they're not listening to me, simply laughing at me. So I stand up and using a huge voice DEMAND that they show me the respect that I deserve as their superior and not to think they can fuck around simply because I'm a woman. I'm their higher-upper and they need to get their shit done.
They listen, and everyone files out.

Dream over.

LOL YOU GUYS, if it's one thing about being on this medication that I love, it's how vivid and detailed the many dreams I have at night are.
I'm pretty sure there was a third dream, but I can't remember it. I wish I could record this shit as soon as I wake up but I'd be logging onto LJ at least 3 times a night to write this shit up, haha.
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: sleepysleepy
Current Music: None
14 December 2012 @ 11:51 pm
So call me strange but the past couple of days I’ve had this fascination with death, funerals, cremation and the like.

I stayed up until 6:30am last night watching different documentaries that explain the process of cremation, embalming and other aspects of end-of-life care.

In one of the docs I watched, a 72 year old man decided he hadn’t ever really thought about what would happen after he died or how he’d have his funeral and such arranged so he went out to face the reality of it all.

He started at the crematorium where he was shown how it works, what the process involves and whatnot, then he went on to check out how the embalming process works, etc.

One of the things he kept repeating throughout the documentary is that many cultures aren’t as afraid of death as we seem to be in North America and other places because they’re more in tune with it and they accept that death is in fact a part of life. Especially when he went back into history and you realize how the lack of medical care and treatments meant that people died much more often than they do today.

Which got me thinking and agreeing with him. I think that if we did look death in the face it would help us understand it and be able to cope with it better.

I’m not saying I’d be okay with anyone I know and love dying… it just makes it more… understandable, I think?

I don’t know. I’m just babbling now. Thoughts?

If anyone is interested in the doc I watched:
19 May 2012 @ 02:32 am
So, about 12-13 days ago I decided to try something very different than my typical "diet, lost weight, etc" strategy.

Something inside of me told me I needed to try going vegetarian.

And once I researches a bit online about veggie diets and lifestyles, I came up with my own plan.

I think one of the biggest reasons all my wight loss and maintaining failed is because I tried to do too much at once. I tried to change so many habits that the odds were always against me.

Being an Aries, I am determined to get results and I'm determined to get them fast - I'm willing to work hard at getting them; but weight loss and muscle gain do NOT work that way, lol. So I have to rely on my determination and stubbornness to help me out with this one.

I decided that the simplest thing I could do right now is turn to a vegetarian diet - NOT VEGAN. Vegan is just too much for me right now, lol. The only thing I told myself I would not give up is fish. I can't give up my sushi, sorry hhahahaha. Besides, sushi is fantastic for you!

So I decided to go meat-free. Literal meat. If something has chicken fat in it, I don't care. I'm not paying attention to that right now. It's literal chicken, beef, pork. I did try to cut down my carbs as much as I could (no more 2 grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch lmao).

It's been 12 days. I've lost about 7lbs, which is fantastic. But what I notice most is I've lost two inches on my waist. That's INSANE. I also FEEL about 17-20lbs lighter in my every day life. This may be TMI but I'm pooping like, 3 times a day and I haven't had ANY constipation or any moments where I'm like "WTF COME ON" in the bathroom.

But the biggest and most important change in the big picture is my mood. Usually because of my MDD, compareds to normal people where their mood is a 10, I'm at a 5... maybe 6 on a good day. I've noticed lately that my mood has jumped to a consistent 6.5-7.... sometimes 8. I've even started drawing again which is a HUGE difference for me.
I enjoy my job at Harvey's/Swiss Chalet which one of my supervisors is Teneisha who worked with me at Metro in the Bakery, and Jenn who worked in the Deli! So I know them and we have so much fun at work. (Monday night Opera Nights after doors close anyone!?) My boss, Matt, tells me every day how good of a job I'm doing, and that's amazing. They hardly ever did that at Metro. Sure, I'm starting over at the bottom but it's really nice to hear someone praise you often to keep you on track.

In other words: If any of you guys reading this have major depression disorders, or anything else alike; I would definitely suggest giving veggie diets a try. I'm no medical expert, but this is what has felt fantastic for me. :)

LOL @ My location..... sorry LJ, you're wrong.
Current Mood: bouncybouncy
Current Music: The Glitch Mob - A Dream Within A Dream
27 March 2012 @ 09:45 pm
So you know how I was bitching about not getting any call backs?

Well, I had an interview at Harvey's today, I've got one at The Loose Moose tomorrow, Medieval Times on Friday and Old Navy on Tuesday.

I also had a call back from another place that ended up finding someone to start tomorrow, but she's keeping my number in case that person doesn't work out. I got a reply in my e-mail from a customer service rep place that I have to reply to, and someone else called and left a message on Meaghan's phone for me.

..... I ain't complainin'! It's about time!!
Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful
10 October 2011 @ 12:07 pm
Oookay. So last Wednesday evening, my cousin Teira came over with Grandma and we went to see Awolnation at the Edge Studio. I really like their new set-up! They can definitely fit a hell of a lot more people down there as opposed to that tiny studio in the Eaton Center hahaha.
Awol was fuckin' great!!!! They played 'Sail', 'Not Your Fault', 'Kill Your Heroes' and 'Burn it Down'. We were like, 6 feet away from them the entire time it was amazing. It was a fantastic preview to the show the next day. ;)

(Btw those are just some simple videos I took while there.... they're not the greatest but hey. :P)

The show the next day was AMAZING. Omg. I love these guys so friggin' much!
Claudia ended up bailing because she had to stay late for work which BLEW because had I known I was going to have an extra ticket, I'd have gotten Teira to stay over and come. She loves Awol too.
It ended up being myself, Chris and Bhavna which was just fine anyway. They came over beforehand, we had a few beers, listened to Morgan's gossip and headed over to the show.
The opening band "Teenage Kicks" were pretty good! We didn't catch too much of them since we were in no rush to get to the Sound Academy but what we did see was pretty good.

There isn't much else to say about the show except that it kicked my ass! Chris spoiled us with beer all night, haha.
We went back to my place, met Shane outside, and came home to Meaghan and Phil drinkin' so we hung out with them for a bit and that was that!

Totally awesome.

Next up: Evanescence with Laura!!! I absolutely cannot wait to hear them play 'Lost in Paradise' and 'My Heart is Broken'. My two favourite songs off the new album! It's gonna be a blaaaaaaast. I hope they have some pretty new merch.

I am SO READY for Friday. It's a short-hour week at work this week because we're closed today, so I only work until 1pm on Friday... I'm supposed to work Saturday, but since Mr. Whilsmith over there didn't tell me it was 100% that we were going to the cottage, I didn't have enough time to book it off. Oops. Whatever. It'll be the last cottage-type weekend of the year anyway. It's him, me, Bhavna and Amy this time around. Don't get me wrong I love all my friends, but I do enjoy a smaller group once in a while. Less noise, less people getting on each other's nerves, lol. And Chris says he's gonna make home made waffles again. FUCKING YUM. Last time he made that shit it was fantastic hahahaha.

The weekend after that is Niagara Falls! I'M SO EXCITED. Holy shit. We haven't been to the Falls since February, hahaha. This weekend last year we were there as well. I love how fucking cheap it is to go in the cooler months! Though, if the weather stays like this for the next couple of weeks I'll be a happy camper!

This week is my last week at official full-time. Boooo!! But to be honest, I'm kind of looking forward to taking a break from full-time for a bit. Though, because I'll be on Re-call, that means I'm first choice for any full-time hours that come up - which with everyone at #62 taking their holidays and the Christmas holidays coming up, I'll still be raking in quite a bit of full-time hours. So all in all, the only thing I'm really losing out is $1 per hour on my pay, because I automatically revert to the top rate for part-timers. So really, I'm only losing like, $130 a month lol Which isn't nearly as bad as I thought it was at first. Hell I can even pick up an extra 4-5 hours on Sunday to make that up if I wanted. So I'm not worried. I'm actually happy that I won't have to worry about TTC Fare either now hahaha. All-in-all, I'm still trying to look on the bright side of things.
Current Location: Canada, Toronto
Current Mood: chipperchipper
Current Music: Evanescence - Lost In Paradise
05 October 2011 @ 10:22 pm
Okay so this evening to I went down to the Edge studio to see AWOLNATION with my cousin Teira.


They were fucking fantastic!
Current Mood: cheerfulcheerful
03 October 2011 @ 03:30 pm
Screw this weather and getting sick, seriously.

I've been sick the past few days and it's making me miserable. The AWOL show is on Thursday and I'm having a hard time getting stoked for it. I didn't end up going to my conference this past weekend because I just was not feeling well at all. I just want to shut down and hide for a month. I'm going to blame the weather, this switch-over to cold happened way too quickly.
Don't get me wrong, I enjoy cooler climates... humidity doesn't do well for me. But to happen this fast? Shit, son.

And with work, I just don't even want to bother with it. Seriously, just switch me over to my part-time status at Front Street already. I really dislike the wait-times in between these bumpings. Though, I haven't been in the last few days since I've been sick... but I'm hoping they just move me right away on Monday. I don't want to do another week out there to be honest. The break from all the full-time responsibilities will be nice, I suppose though... I can book off whatever time I want and just chill out the next little while. Who knows how long it'll take to move back up to full-time. Le sigh. Waddaya gonna do? I figured it out and in the end, I'm only losing about $100 per week... which still sucks nonetheless, but it's not as bad as it could have been.

I'm just bored again. I seem to have lost focus and I'm just kind of floating from one day to the next. I really wish I could just stay on one road and keep at it. Too many distractions, too much I want to do. Ughhhhh. Things are so much easier when I work on a set schedule, lol.
Tags: ,
Current Location: Canada, Toronto
Current Mood: blahblah
Current Music: Spongebob on the TV
30 September 2011 @ 02:57 pm
Oops, I fell behind in this thing again! My bad. :P

Anywho... the most obvious think to write about would be my getting bumped. So I chose the store at Bathurst and Sheppard because not only was it the closest store I had the option of going to (the other two were in Oakville and Barrie.... yeah, not happening) I figured it's really close to the area that I want to move to - so in the long run, it works out better.

So I get to the store, and it's WONDERFUL. We work in the basement, it's very quiet and chill, and nowhere near as busy as College Park. Everyone seems nice, no one seems overly stressed, etc.

So I'm just getting settled in when on my 4th shift, I get called into the office: AND GUESS WHAT!? I'm getting bumped again! But this time, my only options are those two stores so guess what? Back to part-time and back onto the re-call list for me.

I just can't get a break, can I? And this was JUST after I risked expressing how much better everything was going and how happy I was at that position. Figures. I really need to learn to just not say anything - it always backfires on me.

The only good thing about getting bumped back down to part-time is that I can chose any store I want. So I've chosen to go back to Front Street. It's not College Park, I know everyone, I know how things work down there, and I know I'll get my 24 hours a week plus + 7 on Sunday if I want it. And another plus about it is that I can book off any time I want.... so for the next while I won't have any problems making it out of town for a while and shit. Gotta find some silver lining, right?

Other than that not much else is going on. I'm totally stoked for the next few weeks. For the 14th-16th Chris suggested we go up to his cottage... which would fucking ROCK. 21-23 is Niagara Falls! SOOO EXCITED! And thennnn, the 29th is Halloween Party at Brad & Jen's place! I'm going as Princess Peach. ;)

Image Hosted by ImageShack.usImage Hosted by

Awwww yea! Hahahaha. I haven't decided if I'm going with a blonde wig or not though. :P

This weekend I have my yearly Stewards' conference. Should be fun. I'm not in any mood for a big party though haha. So I'm just going to go for dinner, have a few drinks and then go relax in my hotel room.
Current Location: Canada, Toronto
Current Mood: chipperchipper
25 August 2011 @ 08:43 pm
Awwww yea! Guess who just picked up these babies!?

I was going to get the Women's version (which are silver) but I went with the Men's because my feet are too wide for the Women's hahaha. Now I'm going to totally rock those walls with good shoes! I haven't been climbing in almost two weeks. :( SAD FACE. My membership ran out so I had to wait until at least today so I can buy a new pass. I don't think I'll make it up there until Monday though. MORE SAD FACE.

Today I also bought a netbook. There's another laptop I really want, but it's going to cost $600 after taxes so I figured I'd just buy something cheap for now and save up for the good one lol. Hey, I got a printer with it for $10! Score.
Current Mood: boredbored